Corinthians talks about meeting God face to face, and how our understanding of this world will be made known fully. "Jesus Calling", my morning devotion book describes fireworks when our Joy meets the Joy of the Lord. As I see the red bee balm exploding on the hillside, which I like to refer to as my blooming July fireworks display - I smile at the thought of that glorious moment.
Jesse has experienced this - his fireworks came early and the gloriousness... I cannot even fathom the beauty he encountered. I feel it may be something like this: "Behold a Light so brilliant and blinding that it canot be looked upon, yet your entire body alights with electrical pulses that eminats love "
I like to think of our bodies as an electrical force field - every cell intricately made with a frequency and charge. And God is the ultimate Power supply. Without Him and knowledge of His love for me, my energy would fade, my life force sucked out of me... if my entire being had been centered around my husband. But it was not.
God was first and foremost in both of our lives - the Spirit was the cord that kept our two strands together, as a cord of three strands is not easily broken. (that was our wedding scripture.) Jesse and I loved one another because God first loved us. We had an electrical chemistry that makes for a wonderful marriage. But the love energy that flows from the Spirit within us is what brought us through difficult times, and yes, we had those - especially early on in our marriage.
Allowing God to guide us in the most difficult journey of our marriage is what kept Jesse with his family six months longer than he might have otherwise. I know this to be true in my heart...God has made that abundantly clear.
I miss him a ton. Activities with the kids and realizing Jesse will no longer be a part of...it's really hard. Driving to the parade...fireworks with family..thoughts of summer vacations..
A hummingbord flies past the canopy...a loud buzz...like an electrical current....God's message - that He is my power supply when I am zapped by sadness. Instead of a horizontal current - Jesse is my extension cord to heaven. A vertical conduit. When we are reunited the burst of energy will be so great in heaven - fireworks of JOY! (I so want to get to the painting I envisioned months ago - a heaven and an earth and conduits of healing, heavenly light beaming down...)
And so it is because of this knowledge that day 30 will pass...a recharge in Jesse's Oasis.
I pray that you will also allow Jesse's memory to be your conduit, that you may come to know the greatest Energy Force - the Creator of Heaven and Earth from whom all energy comes and flows.
Peace to you,