Abby and I had gone to Relics, her favorite rock shop, earlier in the afternoon. A soapstone statue spoke to my heart – a carving of a family of four holding hands in a circle. It reminded me of what was and is no more, as this 8th day of August marks two months since Jesse left our earthly presence and family.
There were a number of events this past week, that I took the kids to alone. Typically I would be strolling park grounds hand in hand with him while Kyle did his reenacting, or he would have walked with Abby and I to visit Marv’s memorial tree. Instead we find ourselves wondering if his memorial tree will be planted across the path from Marv’s.
I miss him so much, and the only way I feel I can cope is to stay busy and help others. So many people I meet are experiencing awful side effects from medications. Often I hear how they are told, “we are not sure what is wrong with you, but here is a pill, let’s see if it can help.” In other words, we are used as lab rats. This infuriating practice only makes me more passionate about teaching people how to make healthier choices so they can reset their bodies so it can heal as God designed it to do.
I am finding myself a single mom because of, what I feel is apparent after reading the side effects, opiate Rx meds. Yes, the doling out of medications without full disclosure is a practice that infuriates me. It is these feelings that motivate me towards His higher purpose. I know there is a reason I am here to weather this storm.
So on this day, I know that God upholds me when my spirit is feeling weak. As I shed tears in the rock shop upon finding the statue, Abby leaned in to give me a “public” hug. She has written her letters to her father, and tomorrow we shall get helium balloons and send them skyward.
I will continue to put each foot forward on this path in life, even when my feet will fail, and call upon His name when the “oceans rise”. The worship song, Oceans, really spoke to my heart at Blackhawk Church this past Sunday. It is definitely making my playlist of songs for the oasis. I am certain the words will speak to the heart of another soul who finds solace there.
I rest in His embrace, thankful that I am His,